How successful people talk

By Francisco Dao

I imagine it’s a byproduct of the confidence that often comes with success, but I’ve noticed a difference in the way successful people carry on conversations as opposed to those who are less accomplished. In a nutshell, they pay attention.

This might seem like I’m pointing out the obvious or belaboring Interpersonal Skills 101. But in the real world, most people seem to have lost the ability to pay attention and have an actual conversation with the person standing in front of them. It’s as if they’re afraid of missing out on whatever else might be happening in the room, so half of their attention is always elsewhere. Or they’re so easily distracted that trying to talk to them plays out like someone conducting multiple chat sessions.

At the risk of sounding like a class-conscious snob, keep in mind I’m just a regular guy who is fortunate enough to have a wide range of friends, here are some of the differences in how my “regular” friends interact as opposed to my more successful friends.

1. Regular people will stop a conversation to pose for pictures. For regular people, a camera is like the magic watch that stops time. Whip one out, and they’ll forget everything they’re doing to pose for the shot. I can’t even think of a time when my more successful friends stopped what they were doing to take a picture. For them, the conversation was all that mattered. If anything, they avoid photos.

2. In a crowded room, regular people will flit about trying to talk to as many people as possible. I think they’re afraid of missing somebody. Successful people are usually much more comfortable talking to just a few people throughout the course of an evening and don’t worry much about who they’re missing.

3. Successful people are not only willing and able to have one-on-one conversations, they often find this preferable. I recently hosted a small dinner that was supposed to be a party of six, but two people dropped out late, and it turned into a party of four. Instead of being a problem, the interactions that evening were largely divided further into two one-on-one conversations. In contrast, regular people tend towards thinking, “the more the merrier.” I have one friend who is constantly inviting random people to join for lunch or dinner. I have to tell him, “I came here to hang out with you, not a bunch of random jokers.”

4. Successful people always wrap up their conversations. A while back a friend of mine asked me how a regular guy like me was able to befriend and earn the trust of successful people. It’s not like I have any money or anything obviously valuable to offer them. Before I could answer, she got distracted and wandered off. She never got the answer, although if she’s reading this post she has the answer now.

5. Regular people seem to have much more difficulty ignoring their cell phone. When I think back through the dinners and conversations I’ve had with my successful friends, incessant cell phone checking has never been a problem. Meanwhile, my regular friends can’t stop. By checking your phone, you’re essentially telling the person in front of you that whatever text, tweet, or email you’re reading is more important than they are. Think about how insulting that is.

Whatever advice you’ve read about the importance of paying attention, multiply it by five. It matters that much. In fact, assuming you’re reasonably interesting and can hold up your end of a conversation, it’s the only thing that matters. Random jokers might be willing to work to keep your attention but important people won’t. They have better things to do and they’re not going to keep talking to you or act like a performing monkey trying to keep you engaged if you can’t stay focused.

As I said at the beginning, some of you are probably thinking, “this is all obvious, I didn’t need to read this.” But the next time you’re out at some event or dinner, notice how many people are guilty of these transgressions. If you want to be taken seriously, then you need to treat the person standing in front of you with respect. And that starts with paying attention. 

Mudras Or Hand Gestures.

What are Mudras? How do we define them?

As per Eastern philosophies and culture and Yogic practices, 'Mudras' are systematic hand gestures. Literally, Mudra in Sanskrit means a posture/seal. More deeply, "closed electrical circuits" of the subtle channels in physical and etheric bodies are also known as 'Mudras'.

Some Western writers have defined 'Mudra' as mystic hand gestures used to focus subtle energy, transmit teachings through symbols and confer psychic protection. Chogyam Trungpa says Mudra is "a symbol in the wider sense of gesture or action………Also it is a symbol expressed with the hands to state for oneself and others the quality of different moments of meditation……."

Leaving aside the complex definitions offered by various people and sects, we will summarise to say that:

Mudras are a non-verbal mode of communication and self expression consisting of hand gestures and finger postures. They retain the efficacy of the spoken word. It is an external expression of inner resolve, suggesting that such non verbal communications are more powerful than the spoken word.

In Yoga mudras denote the finger and hand gestures and movements used in the performance of dances, rituals and rites and while engaging in spiritual exercises such as meditation. Mudras symbolically express inner feelings and inner psychological states. They also generate various qualities such as fearlessness, power, charity and peace in the practitioner and to on-lookers.

The Gherand Sanhita and the Vajrayana Tantra advise that the Mudras are capable of bestowing great powers and psychic abilities called "Siddhies" on their practitioners, hence, their knowledge should not be conveyed to those steeped in sin, to those that are not true to their word, to the skeptics and non believers, to heretics and insincere persons and those who do not observe the precepts.

Mudras have therefore always been considered an esoteric science and even as of date there are thousands of Mudras that are not available to the uninitiated (like in the Chen Yen Buddhism or True Buddha Schools). However, besides the mudras providing spiritual gains, there are mudras which are likewise of tremendous value in therapy. Constant researches by the dedicated have brought a large number of these to the fore although we still seem to be scratching the surface only of this sea of knowledge.

Tips for a Successful Relationship

Having a good relationship can be tough to maintain for many couples. However, there are some things you can do and tips to learn to maintain a successful and happy relationship. Here are several tips to keep your successful relationship going for years to come.

1. Spending Quality Time Together: One main tip for having a successful relationship is spending quality time together. If you never have time for each other, then you both start to wonder, why you are together in the first place. Make it one of your main priorities to spend at least a couple of hours together a day. Even if you both work, this is a crucial attribute in a relationship. Make time for each other.

2. Setting Goals: Setting goals and making plans for the future can be a key in having a successful relationship. This shows that you are both in it for the long run. Think about where you both want to be in five years. Do you both want kids? Do you both want to build a new home together? These are questions to bring up, if you are both in it for a while.

3.Be Intimate:  Being affectionate and passionate in a relationship is a strong point for a successful relationship. Having intimate times throughout any time of the day is a great thing to do when making the relationship work. Running out of physical connections can lead to problems in a relationship. Therefore, for a successful long-term relationship, keep the intimacies going.

4. Be Supportive of Each Other: Be supportive of each other. Never judge each other, and hold blame. Remember that you are a team, never enemies. In order to be supportive of one another, root for each other daily.

5. Be Their Best Friend: Not only should you love your partner, but you also have to like them. Being in a successful relationship means that you have to be there best friend. Becoming friends first always helps to evolve into a long lasting relationship.

6. Trust Each Other: Trust is essential for having a successful courtship. You always need to have trust in your relationship in order to make it work for a long time. When there is no trust, is when you should worry. This could be an ugly feat to have in any relationship. Always put trust in each other. Jealousy can ruin a relationship in an instant.

7. Love Yourself: In order to have a successful relationship, you must love yourself first. You simply cannot love anybody else unless you have love for yourself. Having confidence and being secure with yourself is an important factor, when wanting to love someone else. If you are secure in yourself, you can be more secure in your relationship.

In having a successful relationship, you just have to roll with the punches, and take whatever you both are dealt. If you both stick together, there is nothing you both cannot handle. Be grateful you have each other, and always be caring. Taking in these few tips can make it all worth having a partner you can spend your whole life with.

Career myths you shouldn't fall for

You've probably heard the same bits of career advice tossed around over and over from well-meaning friends, relatives, and even bosses. But plenty of the maxims that we hear repeated actually aren't true. Here are six of the most popular career myths that you shouldn't fall for.

1. A college degree will get you a job

    Generations of students have been told that if they get a college degree, they'll easily find a job afterward. Unfortunately, it's no longer so clear-cut. Degrees no longer open doors the way they used to, and too many new graduates are remaining unemployed or under-employed for months or even years, as employers opt for more experienced candidates. This is frustrating and confusing for graduates, who often feel that they did everything they were supposed to and they're not getting the pay-off they were promised would come.

2. Do what you're passionate about and the money will follow

    In reality, not all passions match up with the realities of the job market. If you're passionate about poetry or painting, you're going to find very limited job opportunities for those things. In fact, the people who get to do what they love for a job are the lucky ones; they're not the majority. A better goal is to find work that you can do reasonably happily; it doesn't need to be your passion. 

3. If you can't find a job, just start your own business

    Starting your own business is hard, and it's not for everyone. It's not as easy as just having a skill and selling it. You have to have something that people want to buy from you more than they want to buy it from your competitors. You also have to be able to market yourself, deal with financial uncertainty, have some savings as a launch pad, and overcome plenty of other challenges. It's not a cure-all for anyone who can't find a job or is unhappy in their career. 

4. Your major in college will lead to your career

    Students often come out of school thinking that their major will lead them to their life-long career path directly, but it's very often not the case--especially for majors in the liberal arts. You might have an English degree but end up in HR, or a sociology degree but end up selling ads, or a music degree but end up as a professional fund raiser. On the other hand, degrees in the sciences, technology, engineering, and math are more likely to end up pointing you toward a more defined career path. 

5. If you're not sure what you want to do, go to grad school

Grad school makes sense when you want to follow a career path that requires an advanced degree. But it's a bad use of time and money if you're hoping it will somehow point you down a career path, or if you're going because you're not sure what else to do. Many people who go to grad school for lack of a better option come out a few years later saddled with large student loans, and not any better positioned than they were before they enrolled. Which leads to? 

6. Grad school will always make you more marketable

Grad school generally will not make you more marketable unless you're going into a field that specifically requires a graduate degree. In fact, it can make you less competitive, by keeping you from getting work experience for that much longer and requiring you to find a higher-paying job than you might otherwise need because you need to pay back school loans--and even worse, if you apply for jobs that have nothing to do with your graduate degree, many employers will think you don't really want the job you're applying for, since it's not in "your field."