How successful people talk

By Francisco Dao

I imagine it’s a byproduct of the confidence that often comes with success, but I’ve noticed a difference in the way successful people carry on conversations as opposed to those who are less accomplished. In a nutshell, they pay attention.

This might seem like I’m pointing out the obvious or belaboring Interpersonal Skills 101. But in the real world, most people seem to have lost the ability to pay attention and have an actual conversation with the person standing in front of them. It’s as if they’re afraid of missing out on whatever else might be happening in the room, so half of their attention is always elsewhere. Or they’re so easily distracted that trying to talk to them plays out like someone conducting multiple chat sessions.

At the risk of sounding like a class-conscious snob, keep in mind I’m just a regular guy who is fortunate enough to have a wide range of friends, here are some of the differences in how my “regular” friends interact as opposed to my more successful friends.

1. Regular people will stop a conversation to pose for pictures. For regular people, a camera is like the magic watch that stops time. Whip one out, and they’ll forget everything they’re doing to pose for the shot. I can’t even think of a time when my more successful friends stopped what they were doing to take a picture. For them, the conversation was all that mattered. If anything, they avoid photos.

2. In a crowded room, regular people will flit about trying to talk to as many people as possible. I think they’re afraid of missing somebody. Successful people are usually much more comfortable talking to just a few people throughout the course of an evening and don’t worry much about who they’re missing.

3. Successful people are not only willing and able to have one-on-one conversations, they often find this preferable. I recently hosted a small dinner that was supposed to be a party of six, but two people dropped out late, and it turned into a party of four. Instead of being a problem, the interactions that evening were largely divided further into two one-on-one conversations. In contrast, regular people tend towards thinking, “the more the merrier.” I have one friend who is constantly inviting random people to join for lunch or dinner. I have to tell him, “I came here to hang out with you, not a bunch of random jokers.”

4. Successful people always wrap up their conversations. A while back a friend of mine asked me how a regular guy like me was able to befriend and earn the trust of successful people. It’s not like I have any money or anything obviously valuable to offer them. Before I could answer, she got distracted and wandered off. She never got the answer, although if she’s reading this post she has the answer now.

5. Regular people seem to have much more difficulty ignoring their cell phone. When I think back through the dinners and conversations I’ve had with my successful friends, incessant cell phone checking has never been a problem. Meanwhile, my regular friends can’t stop. By checking your phone, you’re essentially telling the person in front of you that whatever text, tweet, or email you’re reading is more important than they are. Think about how insulting that is.

Whatever advice you’ve read about the importance of paying attention, multiply it by five. It matters that much. In fact, assuming you’re reasonably interesting and can hold up your end of a conversation, it’s the only thing that matters. Random jokers might be willing to work to keep your attention but important people won’t. They have better things to do and they’re not going to keep talking to you or act like a performing monkey trying to keep you engaged if you can’t stay focused.

As I said at the beginning, some of you are probably thinking, “this is all obvious, I didn’t need to read this.” But the next time you’re out at some event or dinner, notice how many people are guilty of these transgressions. If you want to be taken seriously, then you need to treat the person standing in front of you with respect. And that starts with paying attention. 

Mudras Or Hand Gestures.

What are Mudras? How do we define them?

As per Eastern philosophies and culture and Yogic practices, 'Mudras' are systematic hand gestures. Literally, Mudra in Sanskrit means a posture/seal. More deeply, "closed electrical circuits" of the subtle channels in physical and etheric bodies are also known as 'Mudras'.

Some Western writers have defined 'Mudra' as mystic hand gestures used to focus subtle energy, transmit teachings through symbols and confer psychic protection. Chogyam Trungpa says Mudra is "a symbol in the wider sense of gesture or action………Also it is a symbol expressed with the hands to state for oneself and others the quality of different moments of meditation……."

Leaving aside the complex definitions offered by various people and sects, we will summarise to say that:

Mudras are a non-verbal mode of communication and self expression consisting of hand gestures and finger postures. They retain the efficacy of the spoken word. It is an external expression of inner resolve, suggesting that such non verbal communications are more powerful than the spoken word.

In Yoga mudras denote the finger and hand gestures and movements used in the performance of dances, rituals and rites and while engaging in spiritual exercises such as meditation. Mudras symbolically express inner feelings and inner psychological states. They also generate various qualities such as fearlessness, power, charity and peace in the practitioner and to on-lookers.

The Gherand Sanhita and the Vajrayana Tantra advise that the Mudras are capable of bestowing great powers and psychic abilities called "Siddhies" on their practitioners, hence, their knowledge should not be conveyed to those steeped in sin, to those that are not true to their word, to the skeptics and non believers, to heretics and insincere persons and those who do not observe the precepts.

Mudras have therefore always been considered an esoteric science and even as of date there are thousands of Mudras that are not available to the uninitiated (like in the Chen Yen Buddhism or True Buddha Schools). However, besides the mudras providing spiritual gains, there are mudras which are likewise of tremendous value in therapy. Constant researches by the dedicated have brought a large number of these to the fore although we still seem to be scratching the surface only of this sea of knowledge.